


Missing You

by notimmortal



Series: Invisible [2]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Not A Happy Ending, Songfic, mentions of drug usage, mentions of torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-05-10 06:24:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5574340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notimmortal/pseuds/notimmortal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With so much left do do, you'll be missing out. We'll be missing you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Missing You

**Author's Note:**

> I decided that I wanted to continue "Invisible", but with John's point of view instead of just going for a happy ending.
> 
> Song lyrics are in italics and are from "Missing You" by All Time Low

_I heard that you’ve been self-medicating in the quiet of your room. Your sweet suburban tomb._

It had been a good month or so since I had seen Sherlock. I felt guilty, but I didn’t think I could be with him and with Mary. Not without hurting either of them. And that was the last thing I wanted to do, hurt them. But seeing Sherlock in that drug den, high as a kite, made me realize that I had failed to keep from hurting him.

 

I shouldn’t have yelled at him, I realize that now. He wasn’t even on drugs at the time and there were no noticeable markings on his arms; Not ones that could be connected to drugs, at least. Sherlock refused to meet my eyes when I saw the long slashes on his arms and back.

 

_And if you need a friend, I’ll help you stitch up your wounds._

I wanted to ask him what had happened, finally get some answers, but Janine was back at Baker Street. A small, twisting feeling established itself in my chest as I heard her say all that had changed and saw them kiss. Janine looked happy, radiant even. That happiness didn’t quite reach Sherlock.

 

_I heard that you’ve been having some trouble finding your place in the world. I know how much that hurts._

Being out on a sort of case with Sherlock was like breathing in fresh air. I felt whole again, not even realizing how empty I had felt up until that point. It was brilliant, like being back at the start. Did Sherlock feel that way, too? I couldn’t tell. All I know is that we were lost at first together, and it seemed we were back to that point again.

 

Was I lost, though? I wanted to say that I wasn’t, I had Mary and the baby and it seemed like I had Sherlock once again. But I knew, deep down, that I wasn’t happy at home with Mary. It didn’t feel like I was where I should be.

 

_But if you need a friend then please just say the word._

Sherlock proposed to Janine. I couldn’t believe it, I didn’t want to believe it. But I saw it. He told me it didn’t mean anything, told me he was using her. I couldn’t help but think back to The Woman, think of how much Sherlock seemed to care about her. Could the same be said for Janine? I couldn’t tell.

 

_You’ve come this far, you’re all cleaned up. You’ve made a mess again. There’s no more trying, time to sort yourself out._

I was checking on Janine when I heard the shot. Sherlock didn’t have a gun on him, I knew he didn’t. He always had me carry the gun, saying I was the better shot. I left Janine where she was on the ground and raced to the room I saw Sherlock going into before. He was on his back on the floor, blood ruining his shirt.

 

_Hold on tight, this ride is a wild one. Make no mistake the day will come when you can’t cover up what you’ve done._

 

He was dying again. Again. I couldn’t stand it, I couldn’t. The ambulance seemed to take years to arrive, to take him to surgery. I stayed the whole time, I couldn’t bear to be away for a moment. I saw him flat line. I saw his heart stop beating.

 

_Now don’t lose you fight, kid. It only takes a little push to pull on through. With so much left to do, you’ll be missing out._

By some miracle, his heart started beating again. The other doctors said they had never seen anything like that before. I hadn’t either. But he was going to be okay. He would wake up in a few hours. He would be fine. I wasn’t going to lose him again.

_We’ll be missing you._

People came by to see Sherlock. Flowers were brought, tears were shed. About an hour after the doctors told me Sherlock had woken up and someone else came up to see him, he was just gone. No sign of Sherlock anywhere at all.

 

_I heard that you’ve been having some trouble finding your place in the world, I know how much that hurts. And if you need a friend, then please just say the word._

We were searching everywhere for him. How could he just go missing again? How could he do that to me again? Greg and I figured he was trying to protect someone, but who would Sherlock bother to protect. It wasn’t until I got his phone call that I realized it was me.

 

_You’ve come this far, you’re all cleaned up. You’ve made a mess again. There’s no more trying, time to sort yourself out._

I sat in that damned chair in the fake house and listened as Sherlock and Mary talked. I was in so much pain, hearing what had happened. She shot him, she shot Sherlock. The one person I gave credit to with saving me when Sherlock was ‘dead’, was going to take that part of my life away from me again without a second thought.

 

It didn’t matter that Sherlock called the shot “surgery” and claimed Mary had saved him. I knew he was saying that for my sake. When he said that we had to take Mary on as a client, I thought he was crazy. She had tried to kill him, why was he doing this?

 

_Hold on tight, this ride is a wild one. Make no mistake the day will come when you can’t cover up what you’ve done. Now don’t lose you fight, kid. It only takes a little push to pull on through. With so much left to do, you’ll be missing out. We’ll be missing you._

It turned out that I knew nothing about Mary. Nothing at all. I didn’t want to forgive her, I didn’t want to see her ever again. Sherlock insisted that I forgave her. He said that I loved her, said that he knew what she had done for me. Said that he couldn’t bear to see me so sad again, not because of him.

 

So I did forgive Mary. I was still angry, but I knew that I was doing the right thing. She loved me, or so it seemed. I wasn’t sure if I still loved her, but I would try. I would.

 

_Grit your teeth, pull your hair, paint the walls black and scream “Fuck the world cos it’s my life, I’m gonna take it back!” And never for a second blame yourself._

When Sherlock told me he had Wiggins drug his family and my wife, I was angry. When he said we were going to go face Magnussen, I was furious. When he asked me if I had brought my gun like he had asked, I couldn’t help but smile.   


It was dangerous, going after Magnussen. I didn’t want to see anything happen to Sherlock, not again. Not after I had just gotten him back again.

 

_Hold on tight, this ride is a wild one. Make no mistake the day will come when you can’t cover up what you’ve done._

Magnussen was conniving, but brilliant. He got what he needed from Sherlock without having to sacrifice anything of his own. He said that I was Sherlock’s “pressure point”, implying that Sherlock would do anything to protect me and my happiness.

 

_Hold on tight, this ride is a wild one. Make no mistake the day will come when you can’t cover up what you’ve done._

Magnussen was flicking my face. There was nothing I could do, nothing Sherlock could do. We had been beaten. The game was over.

 

_Now don’t lose you fight, kid. It only takes a little push to pull on through._

 

I heard the helicopter arrive, heard Mycroft’s voice booming above us. I had expected that much. What I didn’t expect was to hear Sherlock shoot Magnussen. He told me Mary was safe. Told me there was nothing to worry about any more. But at what cost?

 

Sherlock was going back to Serbia. Going back to where he was tortured and beaten, back to where he almost died. And once again, it was all for me. I couldn’t bear it. Six months, he said. We both knew that wasn’t true. For one moment, one singular moment on that tarmac, it seemed like Sherlock was going to tell me he loved me. And I would have said it back and meant it with every fiber of my being. Instead, he tells me his full name and tries to convince me to name my daughter after him. I just laugh, realizing that this is truly the last moment I’ll spend with Sherlock.

 

Sherlock and I shake hands. I want nothing more than to pull Sherlock into my arms, have one hug before he goes. But I don’t. I just watch him go, watch the man I learned to love too late leave me forever.

 

_With so much left to do, you’ll be missing out._

_We’ll be missing you._

**Author's Note:**

> There is more likely than not going to be another part of this series so it can have a happy ending. Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed.


End file.
